rainy afternoon

*sorts out random thoughts*

i havent written anything relli substantial in a long time have i? dum dee dum... ever since the exams were over, my brain has been on holiday. =p

i relli hope i passed everything... :(
but i forbid myself to think about gloomy matters!

i mentioned about the kuching food fest many times rite? in the end i din go. my fren says the last nite for the food fest was last nite. yet i din go... i guess its coz the food fest is not quite so fun if i dun go wif my frens... i still remember last yrs food fest... even the short walk in the park dat ended abruptly.

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juz now i met a girl from the dancing school that i used to attend. then suddenly i felt so small n inferior again. when i was younger, the seniors in my dancing school got to dance all the new n cool dances... the rest of us lil girls cud only watch them and aspire to dance like them when we were older. she was one of them, pretty and graceful. she used to have solos in dances... n how i used to worship some of my seniors. it was like they cud do no wrong...

but i've grown and so have they. i shud have put all those feelings behind me long ago... yet when she spoke to me today, there was no malice in her words or bearing, yet i felt so big, so clumsy, like i was a rude creature dat she was being polite to. then i realised dat i hadnt been able to put those feelings away, i still idolised those girls. in my mind, they wud forever be my seniors, better dancers than i cud ever hope to be.

its so wierd, especially when i noe dat the standard of my batch surpassed theirs in dancing skills, meaning dat we're actually better dancers then them. so why do i still have this mindset? i cant let all the confidence dat i've gained slip away at the mere glance of a being dat i used to idolise! *sighs at my own stupidity*

have u guys ever felt dis way???

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hmm... i feel like goin swimming...