still standing

have u ever looked forward to sth then suddenly changed ur mind about it? well, i sure feel dat way. i guess its coz circumstances change, outlooks change, feelings change....*sigh* sth dat i've looked forward to for weeks, i now look upon with apprehension. y cant some things stay constant?
like the k=constant in math? i suppose my cheap joking is a constant...lol~
no matter how i try to lead my life, the decicions i make, the things i do, the things i take for granted, sth always manages to screw up and screw evrything else along the way too... it doesnt help dat i also feel dat it is sumhow my fault.
*sigh* i sure hope evrything turns out fine.

standing here in the rain,
rain drops,
like tear drops,
pattering down on me,
i stand alone,
noone comes,
nobody knows,
its cold,
wet inside and out,
soundless shivers rack my body,
i hear the sounds of celebration in the distance,
here,
all is quiet,
nobody treads here,
i am alone in my silence.

the rain has stopped,
a rainbow appears among the clouds,
only now do i dare to lift my head,
the birds are singing,
a new day has dawned,
again i must rise,
rise and be strong,
i have a long way ahead of me,
many more mistakes to make,
many more times to fall,
stubbornly i carry on,
i will not give up,
i will not give them the satisfaction,
of seeing me beaten!

dunno y i had the sudden urge to write dat...suits my mood tho. ;)

cupcakes!

i heard the most foolish threat ever from my father yesterday! he was scolding my bro coz my bro din wanna go to sum public speaking seminar then when my bro refused to hand in the registration form, he sed "then i wont send u to sch tomorrow!" lol~ my goodness, i wish he'd threaten me like that! my bro was so happy! he was disobedient but he got a reward! and i was laughing my head off in the background. i guess my dad realised it was a silly threat, coz he sent my bro to sch todae aniwae.
guess wad i smell now? mMmmmm...cupcakes! i baked them for teachers dae tomorrow co as usual, my class didnt get ath 4 the teachers dis teachers dae. and since dis is the last yr, i decided to make an effort...ok ok it did help dat the cupcake mix was store bought...hehe! too bad theres not enuf mix so i can onli give each teacher 2 cupcakes and they r stunted cupcakes summore!!! but its the thought dat counts! i planned on using candy to write the teachers name on each cupcake, but i gave up after 'lily' coz the candy was too small n kept spilling evrywhere! actually i planned on putting leng lui for cikgu lily, but i guess even the cupcakes dun wan me to lie! lol~ jk jk! now im facing the problem of packaging the cupcakes. *sigh* they had better appreciate this!!
holidays r coming up and im goin leo forum soon! yay! nvr been to leo forum b4, hope its fun!! (whoops, better check on my cupcakes!)(yumMm delicious!)
well i guess dats all 4 now, gtg pack cupcakes!

tired!

yesterday both the art classes went to Gunung Gading for class trip. i wore my "ama" pants and shirt coz i din wanna get bitten by leeches -or any other insects for that matter... i looked like i was wearing pjs. lol~ then dex din like my clothes so he din "protect" me like he was suppoed to. (not like i needed his protection, i hiked faster than him! =p ) then for the rest of the trip he kept badgering about my "ama" pants. but they're good! coz all those ppl wearing jeans complained dat their jeans cant stretch. unlike my "ama" pants! =p
after all the hiking n seeing the rafflesia, we had lunch. so i changed clothes since we din have to hike anymore. then dat silly dex splashed me at the waterfalls until i was all wet! chisss~ i had no more clothes to change into so i had to bear with it and dis cikgu so mean, dun wanna help me. humph! but she got splashed in the end too! hahaha
on the ferry on the way back to sch, there was dis relli 'pu bo' land cruiser. he (the driver) cud see dat there was no more space for us to squeeze, but he kept edging his car closer and closer to us. he was practically running over our toes! we were sooo pissed! summore, he juz sat in there insulting us to his fren! then i did sth..muaahhahah (it is highly advisable to nvr piss amy off!) well, u see rite...i was chewwing gum....so...i juz took it out....and....i stuck it on.....the vehicles shiny white bumper!!!! muahahahahah
overall,the trip was quite fun. but a few ppl felt unwell tho. mebe it was to taxing for them or like kchai they were sick b4 dat. (funny, he din seem sick at all while he was filming the "blairwitch project" ;) )
when i got home, i quickly took my bath and got ready to go out again coz i was goin out wif Stella to find her a dress for her class photo-taking which was the nxt dae (todae). so my mum sent me to stella's house then we went to find the dress. we went from parkson to tun jugah to s'wak plaza.(haiyar, after hiking gunung i went hiking malls! too much energy!) at last she bought a bright fushia dress. it was sizzling...woohoo!
then we hurried to Fabian's party(see! go party summore!) coz we were oledi late for more than an hour. there, i ate, and Ate, and ATE!! lol~ u can ask che wee to find out exactly how much i ate!! then i followed Stella's car home and slept at midnite.
today i woke up early to go tuition. i was barely awake! tired mah! hahah so i barely did any work. juz tokked and tokked. then came home and did my chores. after dat i had to go take passport sized photo coz i havent sent any for the forum registration form yet. then i went s'wak club to wait for my bro n eat dinner. but my bro joined sum swimming telematch or sth and it was too late. i cudnt wait anymore so my mum n i went home to get the tix for star wars then my mum sent me to my cuzzies home and my cuzzie drove us to star and we were rite on time! so i passed bryants tix to him and we got popcorn then went in to watch the movie. but b4 the movie started, as usual there were trailers of other movies and batman looked kewl! so did initial d and mr n mrs smith.(have to go buy the pirated vcd! lol~)
the movie was ok i guess....a bit to dark for me coz i prefer happy endings! but it was kewl and i knew the storyline anyway.

on another note, i have given up on sum1 ever becoming hu i hope them to be. i've been let down too many times. i cant trust dis person animo. blarghhh!! suxx! i hate being dissapointed in ppl whom i look up to!
ah well...i cant change the way the wind blows...
dats all for now folks!

jumbled emotions

how i felt today. in no particular order.


lost,
uncertain,
pleased,
concerned,
sad,
confused,
frustrated,
disappointed,
angry,
disgusted,
revolted,
insecure,
proud,
injured,
impatient,
exasperated,
thankful,
excited,
relieved,
ignored,
glad,
annoyed.

*sigh* a normal day i guess...

photos~

heyz here are a few photos i took at Great Wall when we went to take class photo. i borrowed dex's hp. and yes, cikgu lily, heres the bride wif her grooms......(all the guys got gf oledi..i sure kena bunuh dis time!)


bride (dex plonked the shawl on my shoulders and jill stuffed the flowers into my hands. i look so scary!)



ah^liew (he looks like sum bisness tycoon!)



kchaisor (simple kelvin was soo worried bout his looks.. dun worry kelvin, u always look good!)



dex (the 'sat-ness' we siong u all!)


(pic deleted coz gf tegur!)
goat-don (the universal sign of the goat! lol~)



dex (hMm..dex looks funny..)



crab-leb (the 'hotness' of his suit!)

this is the first time im doin dis, so hope the pics come out ok! lol~
thanx for showing me the light andrew!

photo taking, tong hua

Yesterdae my class had phototaking. honestly i was quite dissapointed in sum of da gurls......coz after all, dis is our last yr. y not make the photo a relli memorable 1?
the guys rawked! they all looked sizzling in their formal shirts. then they added ties to their do and looked even better! as 4 da gurls....well...u noe dat usually gurls r the ones dat love girly stuff like dressing up rite? well, not dis crew! compared to the formal guys, they were relli casual. spoil the photo nia! if onli they had dressed up more formally, the photo wud have been perfect!! i mean all da other classes r taking formal pics n the gals n guys even go to salon to do their hair! since we're taking the photo in a studio, y not make extra effort?? i mean dun hafta go salon la, but at least wear nicer! if wanna wear jeans also wear a formal top la. or wear a darker shade of jeans so it looks more formal! i dun mean all the gals..juz sum..muz padan the guys mah! also dun sia soi our class. after the other classes all look soo nice n we look so mixed (casual n formal- not united). then giving dat stupid voonie chance to insult our class again.
*sigh* i sound so vain!!!! ahahahahh oh well....juz letting it out..
i liked the way Great Wall did things tho. it was kewl! the photographer (carols dad if im not mistaken) put us at ease and took a lot of funny shots. they were not afraid to take a lot of pics..unlike sum other photo studios..then the individual shots they told us how to pose and positioned us n evrything. it felt so professional! i cant wait to see the pics! hope they come out great!
todae my parents went to kl. so my gran took me n my bro out to lunch. we ate at swak club then we went to look at sum boutiques. gran bought me a halter then we went home. then i bathed and changed my bro n parents bed sheets for them. after dat i napped. then in the evening we went to my other grans house for dinner. after dinner we watched the video of tong hua. it was soo touching. the video after dat was very nice too. but i dunno the title. btw im very proud of my cuzzie!!!!! hes gonna sing tong hua for teachers dae! but i wont put his name here. embarass him onli! lol~ later evry1 muz clap loudly for him k? goodness i feel like his mum or sth....but i did watch him grow up!hes been through quite a journey! now eng tau liaw! ehhehe i keep teasing him!
my parents r coming back on tuesdae. until then......muahhahahahaahahahha(evil laugh)

quotes i agree with

"A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of
love."-Stendhal

"Within you I lose myself. Without you I find myself wanting to be lost again." -unknown

"To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage." -- Lao Tzu

"Better never to have met you in my dream than to wake and reach for hands that are not there." -- Otomo No Yakamochi

This was love at first sight, love everlasting: a feeling unknown, unhoped for, unexpected--in so far as it could be a matter of conscious awareness; it took entire possession of him, and he understood, with joyous amazement, that this was for life. * Thomas Mann

We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person. * W. Somerset Maugham

Love sought is good, but given unsought, is better. * William Shakespeare

"Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow ~ Don't walk behind me, I may not lead ~ Just walk beside me and be my friend."-unknown

"You can hardly make a friend in a year, but you can easily offend one in an hour." -- Chinese Proverb

My best friend is the man who in wishing me well wishes it for my sake. * Aristotle

Respect yourself and others will respect you.-Confucius

When anger rises,think of the consequences.-Confucius

If your success is not on your own terms, if it looks good to the world, but does not feel good in your heart, it is not success at all. -Anna Quindlen

It hurts to find out that what you wanted doesn't match what you dreamed it to be. -Randy K. Milholland

Happiness depends upon ourselves. -Aristotle

A foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet. -James Oppenheim

A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such a good friend after telling. -Arthur Brisbane

All people want is someone to listen. -Hugh Elliot

If you make it plain you like people, it's hard for them to resist liking you back. -Lois McMaster Bujold

back

Hey!!
im sorry i havent updated in a long time, but i was looking for a new blogskin. i finnally found the perfect one, but then i realized dat i din noe how to change blogskins.......so..*sigh* wasting my time onli!!
my sis-leh! she is the one dat taught me how to change but the when she saw the one i picked she suddenly say dunno how!!!! humph! not high tech enuf! now i hafta go find sum high tech person to help me!! preferably not juz help, but actually do the whole thing for me. muahahahahahahah im lazy!!!

so wad has been happening....? well, i got 94% for pdg!!! and i barely studied...actually i read through the other text book...but the format was diff..so i read through alota stuff we havent learnt yet, and i din even realize it! haahhaha and i tot i havent finished studying! read until over lor! but honestly the test was an easy 1 aniwae. then i got 90% for ekons.....ok la din beat brandon tho...he got 97%, darn! but nvm lah, he's the ekons whiz! always getting these absurdly high marks for ekons then onli get ok marks for pdg. haha he was so pissed i eat him for pdg dat he merajuk and got piss-y for the rest of the day. the nxt day when "goat" beat him for geo, he got pissed agian! lol~ the kiasu-ness!

hMmmm...then wad else? oh yea! we played captains ball for p.e. soph, calvin, mcih and i were in one team. bryant, peisze, stacy n wendy were in the other team. obvoiusly my team trashed them!!! muahaha
wad to do? we got soph ma! it was relli fun!! the score was 12(us) 2(them) or sth like that. i hope it rains again nxt week so dat we can play again! ahhaahha

my gran went to china on tour for awhile. so i had to help my mum cook. *phew* im glad she's back! its not dat i hate cooking or ath.. but, cooking when my chinese serial is showing is not exactly the most enjoyable thing to do... hehe

i've been discovering alota stuff about my sis through her blog!
1. she lives in a "rabbit farm"
2. she plays Dota
3. she plays foosball
4. she is agressive when she plays it!
5. she has been skipping lectures!
6. apparently she still scares ppl wif her laugh! haha

btw, i got banned from the com last wednesday coz i always sleep too late. (like now!) so b4 i getbanned again, i better go! (actually the ban is still on...) hehehe

phase

im in a wierd phase of my life...in all my yrs in sch, it has nvr been a habit of mine to sleep in class. but lately, i've started to nod off more and more often. this is bad! esp since its the most crucial yr of my sch life!
*sigh* i guess its coz:
-i sleep too late
-too much stress
-i think too much about bukan bukan
-i've turned lazier
-i have too lil will power

blargh~ dis sux....... it not like i dunno at i shud sleep earlier.... its juz dat im tidak insaf. ~lol~
summore i keep thinkin about stupid stuff.... things dat r like nvr gonna ever happen. :(
my grades r slipping. its amazing i managed to maintain my 3rd placing in class! i still cant believe i juz barely passed sej paper two... during the test i actually tot i mite get a B3! turned out to be a C5? dun relli remember. juz remember dat i barely passed.
bertaubatlah amy!!

i guess since i was so 'the responsibleness' last yr (which is totally unlike me!) my mind cud't take anymore and is now malfunctioning. haha
i have to kick back into 'responsible' mode again. juz bertahan for another half a yr!
my goodness....so much malay in my post. wierd!

well dats all for now. signing off~