oh boy..

y is it dat its always problematic guys dat r attracted to me??
y cant nice decent guys dat r on good terms wif their family be attracted to me??
my ex was a mess... now dis new so called admirer is like dat too... i mean like wad? do i emit sum wierdo vibe or sth?? im not like them at all! im a family lover! we have nth in common! cant they see dat?? n they're vain n narcissictic....vanity i understand, but going over the top, i dont.
i cant help comparing dis new guy to my ex... i mean talk about coincidence!

i met ex thru a close fren at sch
i met new thru a close fren in college

ex is vain
new is vain

ex liked me 1st
new likes me

had no interest in ex in the beginning
have no interest in new now

ex hates his family
new hates his family

ex is not generally liked by ppl
new is not generally liked by ppl

ex has nth in common wif me
new has nth in common wif me

ex met me once n was attracted already
new met me only once so far

sed i wud nvr be wif ex
saying i'll nvr be wif new

liked the attention from ex
liking the attention from new

ex was playboy
pretty sure new is playboy too

ex imposes his personality on others
new imposes his personality on others

fren dat i met ex thru din approve of ex
fren dat i met new thru doesnt approve of new

ex moved fast
new moving fast

ex stubborn
new stubborn

me: so dead

i relli hope the same thing doesnt happen again!
i mean i was so sure i wasnt gonna be wif ex, then.. i dunno wad happened! he's so totally not my type! i guess it was the 1st time i received such attention b4 n i was very flattered n touched... so i went on wif it...now i tink new is gonna make me feel touched too. dats like so not fair la! its like i relent easily n dats my weak point n they both so totally attack my weak point relentlessly.
i dun wan dis to be a repeat of last time but i feel too weak to resist the niceness of the attention.
u noe dat all girls love positive attention? im no exception there! hahah n i cant resist smiling back or leading the person on to prolong the attention...i noe its bad, i told ex dat i din wanna lead him on (b4 we got together) but he asked if we cud cont. sms-ing n i gave in...blarghhh talk about low self-control! lol i soo noe its gonna happen again. i hope i can be strong dis time n resist coz i'll only get hurt in the end.
man... i sound so perasan! lol! no la, no ego-ism intended. i mean im not even like sum ppl who r so hot n every1 tinks so n so many guys r after. im juz a regular girl dat sumhow only seems to attract problematic guys. *sigh* im so so screwed.

depressed

i feel so depressed.... ive been flunking in maths and i totally dun understand a thing!!! we had directed investigation today. its group work n its meant to pull up the marks of the lousier students like me. but the week b4 i leant my graphic calculator to my frn n she din bring it today....so i totally cudnt do anything coz the calculator was needed for all the questions. then since she din bring her own calculator either, she borrowed the teachers calculator so i was the only 1 in class wifout a calc. sigh... its not relli fair is it? i mean she shud at least have the conscience to let me use teachers since she was the 1 at fault.
i dun even tink she realised how unfair it was of her.... teacher realised wad happened after class n sed i shud talk to her but.... sigh...i dunno la... i dun like confrontations. i wish i were the old bitchier me. then i'd give her a run for her money! arghhhh..... i wan the old me back!!
tml i have directed investigation again, i hope i rmbr to borrow a calc from my frens n i hope they dun need it when i do.
whatsmore i totally wasted last weekend! i wish there was sumway for me to feel rajin n motivated. nowadays i juz feel so LAZY!!! i have no mood to study at all! i guess its my own fault...i memang very 'tham wan'(playful) . i have to buck up! but so far ive only been saying it.... no action done. i used to tink i was totally unaffected by moving here, but i guess im more affected than i tink. its true wad they say: its the ones dat always seem happy dat r relli sad inside.
im sick n tired of those ppl dat always complain about their problems to me, expecting me to pity them n understand them, but when i t comes to MY problems, they dun even wanna hear it at all! i understand that their problems may be bigger or whatever, but it doesnt make my life and problems any less significant to me. their problems matter hugely to them, cant they see mine matter hugely to me too! y i s every1 so selfish... im not saying im not selfish, but there are LIMITS! even my ex was like dat! argh... tinking of him makes my blood boil!
i cant wait till SAM is over... i mean i like the ppl n the living atmosphere, but the workload n common tests r driving a lazy person like me crazy!! summore there not even enuf eng taus here to soothe my eyes after stressing. lol.... back to my old humour. i used to tink taylors was full of eng taus n leng luis... there r a few... but not enuf! hahahah....
i guess dats all for now. thank god teacher is allowing us to cont our DI tml or i'd be so screwed for math n all my team members wud blame me!

reopening

after not posting anything for soo long i wonder if any1 still rmbrs the existence of dis blog. hehe
well...im in college now! i feel so old... im a college girl! dat sounds so...i dunno... not rite. hahaha i guess im still not used to it.
omg....i got straight a's for my spm! goodness noes how i managed dat... in sum ways i noe i deserved it, but when i tink of all those ppl dat studied so much harder than me but din get it, i feel like such a fraud...:(
lets see... wad did i do during spm study leave:
had my 1st boyfren....pak tho-ed alot,read robert jordan, slept, read blogs, chatted on9, watched tv, watched alot of movies, sms, tink about vacation to aussie, watched naruto episodes....and owh yea, study.
i went to collect my results prepared for the worst...owh yea, did i mention dat i hadnt finished memorizing the moral nilais by the time spm came? haha
anyway... i was like expecting loads of b's n even c for moral. so when i got straight a's i felt... dissapointed? like i was juz lucky, i din deserve it, i was a fraud... i even worried dat i wud have to do as well in the future! i guess dats y i wasnt as overjoyed as i was supposed to be. but i got wad i got n dats the end of it. i guess i AM smart afterall. big deal.... im failing in college...
out of 5 subjects i failed 3! arghhhh i sooo have to work harder.
summore wif a bastard out of my system, im determined to do better. so i will kambate! hahah
i tink i'll blog out my love life when i have time....juz for remembrance... he was a jerk. but 1st love is like they say, the hardest to get over. so remember girls, dun be wif sum1 juz coz they love u, u have to love them juz as much. and u deserve to be choosy for whom to give ur love to. sumtimes, they juz dun deserve it! =p