beautiful nightmare

i went to bed earlier than i expected last night. but still i couldnt fall asleep. thoughts chased themselves across my mind in random fashions, none of them really linked. finally the realm of dreams opened its gates to me and i fell into the snare of a beautiful nightmare.

he was there. the one i tried so many times to turn my back to. i thought i'd have forgotten him by now. obviously not. as usual, i kicked my emotions out the back door and tried to behave normally around him. he had moved on a long time ago. something he'd never let me forget. and it was always just when i started to get emotionally attached to him again when he would choose to remind me, like a tight slap across my face.

but this time, it was different. this time, he was the one dropping hints, trying to get closer. i didnt know what to do. on one hand, i wanted him as much as i always had. this never seemed to change. but on the other hand, i knew my heart was just about to get ripped out and crushed again. but as always, i let my guard down and let him in.

and it was beautiful.

i was awoken buy a strong urge to empty my bladder, and by the time i returned to the sleepy folds of my bed, the dream was gone.

oh god, i hate dreams like these! toying with my emotions and thoughts. giving me my every desire, then plummeting me back into the real world.
hours have passed and yet i still remember every detail of that beautiful nightmare.

brb, i need to bleach my mind. turn it into a spotless white canvass, perfect for absorbing examination facts.