late night thoughts

i typed out an angry post recently. full of rants and angst. then instead of publishing it, i saved it. i have no idea why i saved it.

i knew i couldnt publish it, it was to direct and personal. it would shatter every effort i've made all this while to keep the peace.

but i didnt want to delete it either. i'd poured too much emotions into that post for me to just discard it.

so i did the only thing i could think of at the time. i saved it.

i doubt i'll rmbr the existence of that post in years to come, when i read my archives. the only way i'll ever find it is if i sieve through my "edit posts". which i doubt i will.

in fact, i've kinda avoided reading through my own archives.

im not even sure why.

but that rather contradicts with the main reason im keeping this blog in the 1st place. which is to store all my memories for future perusal.

maybe as caught up in the moment as i am, im not ready just yet to look back and see what i was.

i know i've changed alot in the past few years, ever since i left high school.

but change is inevitable is it not?

as humans we have to change in order to adapt to the environment that we find ourselves in.

or is that just an excuse?

maybe.