the multiple functions of facebook

... or should i say the multiple abuses of facebook.

recently, i was invited to join a group, dedicated to a lecturer of my university (Oxford Brookes).

and when i read the description, i couldnt help ROFLMAO!
(but i didnt join the group coz i didnt really have anything against my lecturer and didnt wanna get into trouble *kiasi*)

warning: do not read where your laughing may disrupt others or cause u to be looked at strangely.

Jeff Young is just soooo powerful

Global

Basic Info

Type:

Common Interests - Belief and Causes

Description:

Jeff Young is a like an iceberg - 90% of his mass is under the surface. This mass is very large. Jeff Young IS as powerful as he looks. Jeff Young has to shave 23 times a day because his stubble grows so quickly. Jeff Young does not suffer shaving rash. Jeff Young is mightier than the pen. Jeff Young floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee. Or he just crushes you. Jeff Young did the twelve labours of Hercules. All at the same time. And without the help of Hermes or Athena. Jeff Young double-teamed a girl... by himself. Jeff Young can slam a revolving door. Jeff Young made the dinosaurs extinct. He just went "POW!" Jeff Young's primary school teacher asked him whether the lion or the tiger was the king of the jungle. So he put them in a ring to see. 12 secs later a dead lion and a dead tiger proved that Jeff Young is in fact the king of the jungle. Jeff Young then slept with his primary school teacher. He was 9. Jeff Young has so far been circumcised 23 times... he's just too big. The Hulk first turned green because he saw Jeff Young and was so envious of his superior power. The impression lingers... Jesus asks Jeff Young for forgiveness. Jeff Young masturbates with sandpaper. Jeff Young has entered next year's Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong that testicular cancer is for girls. According to The Bible it took God 6 days to create the Heavens and the Earth. Also according to The Bible, it took Him 6000 years to create Jeff Young. Now which do you think is bigger? King Arthur may have been strong enough to draw the sword from the stone but it was Jeff Young who put it there in the first place... Jeff Young grew at such an alarming rate in his mother's womb that he had to be born eight and a half months premature. Upon leaping from his prison, Jeff Young immediately reversed roles by picking up the midwife and smacking her backside so hard that she died instantly, while at the same time roaring his first word: "POW!" The human body contains 20mg of iron per every kg of body weight. This means that Jeff Young contains nearly 5kg of iron. He stores it all in his left forearm [of justice]: POW! The last time Jeff Young received an injection it could only be administered by means of a pneumatic drill. There are no such thing as lesbians, just women who never met Jeff Young. When Jeff Young pisses into the wind, the wind changes direction. Jeff Young can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30. One serving of Jeff Young's 'forearm of justice' provides over 1,000% of the Recommended Daily Allowance (RDA) of pain. This is far too much pain. Jeff Young can give multiple orgasms to ladies just by looking at them... Jeff Young attended the GDL ball, and was dashing in his dinner jacket. So much so that every other fella there was noting down style tips. Lord Denning once had the privilege of Jeff Young sitting in on one of his judgements. Jeff Young does not celebrate Christmas. He IS the son of God. Jeff Young has seen the new Bond film, and is unimpressed. Jeff Young drinks poison as an apéritif, sees rope torture as foreplay and makes witty quips such as "The job's done, the bitch is dead" on an hourly basis. Jeff Young expects the Court of Appeal to check with him before they change the law. This is reasonable. Jeff Young has to have a cup of coffee every hour for caffeine to affect him in any way. Jeff Young does not do press ups. He pushes the Earth down. Jeff Young is more powerful than Marc Howe. Jeff Young moisturises using wasabi. Jeff Young's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Jeff Young counted to infinity - twice. Jeff Young's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Jeff Young. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Jeff Young can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants. Jeff Young once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands. Jeff Young was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds. Jeff Young can speak braille. Jeff Young does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Jeff Young goes killing. Jeff Young owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game Uno. Superman owns a pair of Jeff Young pyjamas. Jeff Young doesn't pop his collar, his shirts just get erections when they touch his body. Jeff Young is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face. Jeff Young does not sleep. He waits. Jeff Young died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him. Jeff Young is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Jeff Young When Jeff Young exercises, the machine gets stronger. Jeff Young was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop. Ghosts are actually caused by Jeff Young killing people faster than Death can process them. Once a cobra bit Jeff Young's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died. Jeff Young is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right forearms. If you can see Jeff Young, he can see you. If you can't see Jeff Young you may be only seconds away from death. Jeff Young sleeps with a night light. Not because Jeff Young is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Jeff Young. Jeff Young once had a heart attack; his heart lost. The chief export of Jeff Young is pain. Jeff Young doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now." Jeff Young doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. Whispering "Fuck Jeff Young" is the quickest but most painful form of suicide on Earth. Jeff Young can create a rock so heavy that even he can't lift it. And then he lifts it anyways, just to show you who the fuck Jeff Young is. Jeff Young doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel. The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Jeff Young. Jeff Young sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled legal aptitude. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Jeff roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. The last digit of pi is Jeff Young. Jeff Young once punched a man in the soul. When Jeff Young breaks the law, the law doesn't heal. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Jeff Young and that you will be handicapped if you park there. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Jeff Young. His reasoning? It was more "humane". Jeff Young did that to Michael Jackson's face. Jeff Young once had an erection while lying face down. He struck oil. The most honourable way of dying is taking a bullet for Jeff Young. This amuses Jeff Young because he is bulletproof. When Jeff Young enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off. Bullets dodge Jeff Young. Jeff Young is so powerful, he can make his laptop play gramaphone records. Jeff Young is so powerful he uses a toothpick to play cricket. The ball broke. Jeff Young is not bound by the earth's gravitational pull. The earth is bound by Jeff Young's gravitational pull. Jeff Young fought the law. The law did not win. The rise in the sea level is not due to the melting of the polar ice caps. It is due to excess water in the atmosphere due to girls getting wet just thinking about Jeff Young. Jeff Young bleeds acid. Thunder and lightning are not due to build-ups of electricity in the upper atmosphere, but occur naturally whenever Jeff Young takes a dump. Jeff Young won the Napoleonic Wars, the Crimean War, World War 1, World War 2 and the Falklands Conflict on his own. Jeff Young is the source of all prerogative powers. Jeff Young does not need to be a considerate and gentle lover. You are privileged to breathe the same air as him, let alone be his bitch. In Ancient Rome, Jeff Young visited the Vestal Virgins. Shortly after, they became known as the Vestal girls. Jeff Young invented Latin. Jeff Young once ate a cobra. It merely gave him bad breath. Jeff Young trims his nails using a shotgun. Jeff Young sank the Titanic - the boat hit him whilst he was bathing in the icy waters. Jeff Young uses chainsaws as toothpicks. Jeff Young killed the dinosaurs. Jeff Young can run the 100m in 6 seconds. Backwards. Jeff Young uses napalm as deodorant. Jeff Young lost his virginity before his Dad. The Common Agricultural Policy of the European Union has led to wine lakes and butter mountains. When Jeff Young joined the EU, a power mountain was added to the list of surplus. "Keaton always said, "I don't believe in God, but I'm afraid of him." Well I believe in God, and the only thing that scares me is Jeff Young." (from Usual Suspects, revised) After God flooded the world to punish mankind, he promised never to do it again. He does, however, retain the ultimate form of punishment, should mankind ever step out of line again: Jeff Young. What they didn't show you in the Iraq war was that when they pulled down the statue of Saddam Hussein, they replaced it with one of Jeff Young. Jeff Young speaks all known languages, including Esperanto. Of course this is unnecessary, given that Power has now replaced English as the global language. The Northern Ireland power-sharing agreement between Gerry Adams and Ian Paisley only came about because Jeff Young was getting sick and tired of all the bulls**t and threatened to get the next flight to Belfast if they didn't sort it out. Of course Jeff Young wouldn't need to get a flight, he could merely step across the Irish Channel, perhaps using the Isle of Man as a stepping stone. If Jeff Young breaches a contract, you don't get any contractual remedy. Just think yourself lucky to have come out of the whole thing alive. Whilst on holiday Jeff Young took a piss on the biggest tower in Pisa. The tower is now no longer vertical. Jeff Young does not fuck up exam papers by setting the same one twice. Jeff Young laughed so loud upon hearing the news about the recent GDL Public Law exam that the recent construction work on Brookes had to be started all over again.