u'll be ok. i know it :)

the whole thing was odd really.

young and stupid. lolz~

not sure if i regret it though. but its part of my past and everything happens for a reason right??

i dont even know how to put this all down into words. this bubbly strange sensation in my head, blocking out all coherent words.

in a way, we watched each other grow.

from high school kids to who we are today.

it hasnt been all that long, but so so much has happened!

he was the one who started it all, in more ways than one.

there was a point in my life which i really wished i never met him, and every time i thought of him, i feel such overwhelming shame to ever had been connected with someone like him.

honestly, he was a mess. he had a kinda screwed up upbringing and was mad at the world.

i had the kind of fairy tale upbringing with parents who absolutely loved me, and still do :D

he couldnt understand my life, i struggled to understand his.

when we split, i wanted nothing to do with him. he accepted all blame and tried to keep the friendship going. i swung from trying to get him back to wanting nothing to do with him at all.

aiyah, the whole thing is just really wierd la! lolz~

and about a year or so ago, we started chatting on msn again. not much, just a few words to greet each other once in a blue moon.

he said his biggest mistake was letting me go (damn right! wtf). i didnt say it, but my biggest mistake was ever accepting him (biggest mistake as regards to him, but nowhere near the biggest mistake of my life)

dont get me wrong, i dont mean my biggest mistake was accepting him because im still bitter and stuff, i mean it was a mistake because we were so so obviously wrong for each other and it also very obviously would not last.

but i abide by certain things in life and although these semi-rules that i've made for myself often end up in me hurting, i cant say i regret it because it was my own choice. (which btw is also one of those semi-rules. i dont allow myself to regret my own choices. sure i'll hurt like hell most of the time, but life is an experience :D)

the semi-rule that applied here (and in many other excruciatingly painful moments in my life) is that its better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. i mean heck, at least i tried right? i wont be living the rest of my life wondering "what if".

but i think these semi-rules are a product of watching and reading too many "inspirational" movies and books. wtf

im kinda getting off track arent i? from talking about that guy to talking about myself. its always about me isnt it? wtf

hahaha~

anyway, i was reading his blog just now and i was struck by how much he's grown. and as a fren, i feel kinda proud of him :D

he has a gf now and i really sincerely hope he's happy. he deserves it.