homesickness

i was watching episode 3 of malaysian dreamgirls and their homesickness kinda amazed me.

just 2 days away from their family and they were already homesick. gosh.

hmm... i guess i just dont really get the whole homesickness thing. maybe living away from home for so long has jaded me.

but even in the beginning, when i first moved to kl for college, i didnt get homesick the way most of my peers did. i was so enthralled by the sights and places to go, not to mention the exhilarating freedom, that i didnt quite have time to just sit down and properly miss home.

in fact, seeing how depressed some of my friends became, i avoided thinking about home at all. i guess this tactic works in the same way that i avoid thinking about things that upset or depress me. like when i fail stuff, i just shove it to the furthest reaches of my mind and think happy thoughts. not a great way of handling things i admit, but hey, whatever works.

then by the time i had adjusted to living away from home, college life and love life caught up with me, never giving me any time to just miss home.

but then again, maybe i always saw leaving home as something inevitable. when my elder sister moved to kl to continue her studies when i was in form 4, i did miss her, but i just accepted it. in this same way, i accepted my own move.

does this lack of homesickness make me heartless? :S

i do miss my family, but just not in the break-down-and-cry way that most people seem to experience. i love them (although i may have an odd way of showing it) and i know they love me. so thats the end of that.

this quiet knowledge of having a family to back you up when u need them enables me to be independent because i know that i can go on with my life, but should anything go wrong, they will be there for me. and similarly, should they need me, i would be there for them too.

ah the complicated dynamics of sibling interaction. i bully my siblings half to death, my little brother more so than my elder sister, but if anyone else were to mistreat them, that person would be on my blacklist immediately. despite my constant torturing him, i know my brother still looks up to me though it might kill him to admit it and i do feel very protective over him even though perhaps his biggest risk to life is me. wtf
as for my sister, i depend on her more than she knows, for most things that i go through, she has first experienced. such as period, boys, math, heartbreak, filling all kinds of shitty forms... etc. and she was there for me after a particularly tough breakup and her presence really made a difference.
my words towards them are often harsh, but its a testament of the unbreakable bond that i dare to be so rude. *excuse to be rude*

as for my parents, they are the cutest parents ever but sometimes i just want them to shut up. wtf when i called them crying after a breakup, they got soo angry at the guy, my mum said that my dad wanted to kill him. HAHAHA!!!
my mum has always been there for us kids. she's the one that wakes up early in the morning to prepare our breakfast that me and my sister used to throw away. wtf and recess food and fill up our water bottles. she's the one thats always so concerned about our health and goodness, the multitude of vitamins she makes us take! when my housemate saw my collection of vitamins, she thought i was very sick. lol. without her, i (and the whole family) would truly be at a loss. finances, insurance and whatever other stuff that never crosses my mind, is handled by her. whenever something goes wrong, she's the first one i think of contacting.

my dad is so difficult to describe. even struggling to describe him puts a smile to my face. usually we siblings when we want to tell each other stuff relating to him, we would go "you know la daddy...". when it comes to studies and education in general, the only word i can come up with is 'overly-enthusiastic'. like the one time i expressed interest in economics, he dug out his old economics texts from his uni days and made me read them, going through them with me. umm... i was interested, but not THAT interested. then when i wanted to go to sleep, he scolded me and made me read more T.T
so i never expressed interest in anything academic after that. wtf
sometimes he may say things like "are you sure you can pass?" and it irritates the hell outta me, resulting in a sharp retort. i think in this manner, my father and i may be similar. sometimes we say things that may be hurtful, but we really actually do have faith in that person. as a result of our stubborn natures, we argue alot and i always end up saying hurtful things, but i love him endlessly and i know he loves me too. we just dont express it very well. sometimes i receive random smses from him saying stuff like "hi beauti, make sure u match yr input/research/study with yr ambition/goals. AMY CAN DO IT n Do It Well". HAHAHA... omg, so cute can die. msges like these never fail to make me laugh. see, my daddy loves me! =p

ehh, talking about homesickness then suddenly become post about my family. such a personal post :S

anyway, in conclusion, i am of the opinion that when you think of your family and miss them, instead of crying your eyes out, it should bring a smile to your face.

the end. sekian terima kasih.